Scream Queens Season 2 Episode 2 “Warts And All”
In the bloody aftermath of poor Catherine’s beheading, the police are combing the hydrotherapy room for clues. Libby Putney aka Chanel #5 told the cops that Catherine was murdered by a large plant, and that Libby would’ve died too if not for the arrival of Chamberlin Jackson. The oddest part of all this is that Catherine’s head was left but her body is missing. The cops are not buying Libby’s evil plant theory.
And the other two Chanels aren’t much help, as they loudly proclaim Libby’s insanity and bitterness over a non-existent dating life. They believe that Libby murdered Catherine to disrupt Chanel Oberlin’s date with Brock Holt, and Number 3’s night out with the strange Cassidey Cascade. Despite the walls sprayed with blood, the severed head and green slime all over the floor, the police amazingly conclude that nothing happened.
“Alright. I don’t think we’re ever gonna know what happened here. This is my card in case anything turns up. In the meantime, no more made up stories that aren’t that scary.”
Number Five is off the hook.
C.U.R.E. gets its next incurable case.
A patient named Tyler, played by ARROW’s Colton Haynes, is covered in large growths that hide his face. Now that the Chanels solved the last case, they are allowed to give more input. None of it is helpful. Because Tyler’s only source of revenue is writing Encyclopedia Brown fan fiction, he can’t afford the laser treatment Dr. Holt suggests.
After meeting Tyler, Zayday asks Chamberlin his thoughts on Cathy Munsch. Why give up a posh position as a university Dean to open a hospital that only serves a handful of patients? Why bring the Chanels here, when she so obviously hated them in the past? What are her secret motivations? Zay thinks that Cathy is out to slay the Chanels while dressed as a swamp monster.
Brock Holt takes Chanel to a 1980’s horror double feature of “Pieces” and “The Hand.” As Pieces begins, Holt puts his arm around Miss Oberlin and quickly fondles her breasts. He’s horrified and apologetic by his out of control hand, but Chanel is pleased.
“Are you kidding? I haven’t been man handled in two years. Grope at will, Doctor.”
Instead of holding her, his hand suddenly grabs another audience member’s Twizzlers, while Chanel laughs. She thinks he’s imitating Michael Caine in “The Hand.” Chanel tells Holt that she’s ready to move on from Chad Radwell, and the newly formed couple kiss.
Back at the hospital, Tyler finds a despondent Number 5 in the halls, and she tells him a sad story about her love life.
“My first boyfriend’s name was Clarence. He had hair like Richard Grieco and played lacrosse, but he was also imaginary. He dated me all throughout high school and the day before graduation, he broke up with me.”
Tyler appreciates the time Number 5 spends with him and shows her a photo of his face before the growths hid his features.
Turns out he was a handsome fella. Restoring him to his former glory becomes Libby’s new mission. All she has to do is raise money for a super expensive laser treatment.
Working the graveyard shift late one night, Chanel hears a terrified scream. She investigates, only to confronted by a specter from her past…the Red Devil himself! He chases her through the hospital with an axe before pulling off the mask and revealing the laughing face of Chad Radwell.
We learn that it was Chad in costume in the insane asylum, pretending to kill Chanel in the final seconds of the first season.
He has brought his friend Randall to the hospital for treatment, and the man has been periodically screaming in terror.
During a hunting trip with Chad and actor Ted Danson, Randall accidentally shot Dick Cheney’s eldest daughter Liz in the face. He is diagnosed with the Jumping Frenchman Of Maine disease, the chief symptom of which is an exaggerated startle reflex. Of course!
Chad is miffed over the blossoming relationship between Holt and Oberlin while Randall shouts madly. (Awww poor baby.)
Number 5 records a video to raise money for Tyler’s surgical laser. The recorded plea involves Sarah Maclachlan, shots of Libby weeping against a tree and twirling on train tracks. The two other Chanels cruelly explain to Libby that if Tyler gets the surgery, he won’t look twice at her and their relationship will end. They advise her to jump on him while he’s warty.
After Zayday tries to learn more about the hospital’s past, Chamberlin goes to the library and brings back microfiche articles.
In the Archives Room, they discover that the entire staff of Our Lady Of Perpetual Sorrows was slaughtered on October 31st, 1986…one year to the day that Dr. Mike tossed poor Bill into the swamp.
During the staff Halloween party, Dr. Mike was dressed as Voyager II and the nurse who helped “Kill Bill” is dressed as Uranus. After making anal sex jokes and being offered cocaine by a group of guys dressed as the New York Mets, Mike and his girl dance to “Mad About You.” While drinking in a private room, the Mets are surprised when a hurled machete cuts through a victim’s throat and impales a second man. The third crawls into the hospital corridor, begging, and is cut down.
As Mike makes out with his girlfriend, she sees the green monster striding towards them and puts all the pieces together. Mike confronts the costumed killer and is immediately slain. The nurse runs for it in her awkward planet costume and catches a blade in the back.
Cut to a shot of the hospital full of corpses and glowing green slime.
After studying up, Zayday and Chamberlin are accosted by Nurse Hoffel. She wants to know where the Chanels are at all times and recruits Zayday to make this happen. (She refuses because she doesn’t trust Hoffel.)
In the hospital locker room, Holt and Radwell have a tense, nude and very homoerotic encounter. Holt questions what Chad is even doing here in an employees only area.
Chad challenges him to a game of squash at the local YMCA. Whoever wins gets Chanel.
Tyler and Number 5 have dinner together and discuss the green monster that murdered Catherine. Though no one else believes her– he does– and he offers to help her find proof. Two jerks at the diner begin mocking Tyler and Libby attacks them, shattering plates over their heads.
“You cannot speak to him this way! He’s a beautiful soul, and I do not have teeth in my vagina!”
Zayday and Chamberlin confront Munsch with details about the Halloween massacre and the theory that Cathy is the killer. The Doctor Dean finally comes clean: she has some kind of strange disease that resists diagnosis, and founded the hospital to try to find a way to save her life. As they chat, a mysterious figure listens through the office door.
Afterwards, on a dark floor, Munsch encounters the green monster, who makes a fine attempt to slice her to pieces. Cathy slams him back and fights him with a rolled up sheet of paper and savage kicks. The killer goes down, the machete goes sliding away and Munsch reaches for the mask. Cassidey and Number 3 call out, distracting her, and the killer slips away.
Cascade and Holt put a bucket on Randall’s head to prevent stimuli from frightening him. During a reassuring conversation with Chad about poor Randy, Radwell notices that Holt’s right hand is writing something on a prescription pad.
Seared Fois Gras Pailettes
Denise Hempfield is here to help Munsch prove that she is not murdering people in a monster outfit. To complete that unnecessary task, they turn to the only killer they know…Hester.
During a heated squash match in which Holt crushes Chad, Radwell questions Holt about the original owner of his hand.
In a dank psychiatric hospital, Chanel, Cathy, Denise and Number 3 visit Hester. It’s pure Hannibal Lecter. Hester knows all about the horned killer, the green slime and the graveyard shift murders. She tells them that it’s all connected to the Halloween party 30 years ago.
In exchange for a transfer to C.U.R.E. and a room with a view, she’ll tell them everything.
Denise is not tryin’ to hear that.
“Ain’t nobody got time for that. Bitch, you better take this Chapstick and talk.”
Number 5 and Tyler share a tender moment and almost kiss after their date, but huge spotlights come on and confetti falls. The Chanels appear.
“Surprise! You passed the test. You saw someone society had decided was hideous and you chose to look past it and see the human being underneath. That is something worth celebrating.”
“Well, thanks, I guess.”
“Not you. Him. We were testing him.”
“Tyler, you have truly learned the lesson that looks don’t matter, so to reward you, we decided to purchase the laser for your treatment.”
Chanel told Chad that a Russian weapons designer had created a laser that would give her a stubble free box forever, so he ponied up the cash.
A private investigator meets with Chad to lay bare Dr. Holt’s secret; the original owner of his hand! It belonged to Marshall Winthrop, a championship squash player who killed those he defeated on the court for the sin of losing. He used a switchblade squash racket and ads on Craigslist, offering a game against the best player in the world.
After killing 600 people, he was finally arrested while enjoying a dinner of Fois gras Pailettes, Rocket salad and Cabernet Franc. He became a full body organ donor before his execution.
Chamberlin and Zayday research Munsch’s condition. They discover that she took a trip to New Guinea, and accidentally ate human parts with a group of cannibals. She has a bizarre disease common among cannibal tribes.
Munsch has less than a year to live!
She demands total secrecy, but Nurse Hoffel is listening through a bug under Cathy’s desk.
While FaceTiming with Number 5, Tyler reveals that he has discovered a game changer of a clue in the Green Meanie case. Meanwhile, he is suddenly rushed into surgery under sinister circumstances. The doctor wears a blindingly bright head lamp, obscuring his face, and then reappears as the Green Meanie. Holding the laser, the killer begins cutting into Tyler.
Number 5 finds poor Tyler deceased on the OR table, and Chanel realizes something mildly important.
“Ladies, we have another serial killer on our hands.”