Dressed in white fluffiness, Chanel Oberlin enthuses about her favorite holiday, Black Friday. We see a packed and bustling shopping mall. Since all of Chanel’s haute couture is hand-delivered by the designers themselves, Black Friday is about buying cheap and forgettable gifts for friends. The cheapness of the gift makes the receiver of it question if they somehow made Chanel upset, thereby making them easier to manipulate. Awww!
With a bubblegum pink Christmas tree in the background, Chanel hands out cheapness to Numbers 3 and 5, and rewards herself with an obscenely expensive present for each one they get.
Chanel enjoys bribing employees of big box stores to let her in a half hour early so she can wave to the frantic masses through the security gate while shopping alone and trying out various products as they bang on the glass doors.
“Torturing these senseless manatees of American consumerism brings me so much joy. And isn’t joy what the holiday season is all about?”
Back at Kappa house, Zayday is being comforted by Dean Munsch after the discovery of Gigi Caldwell’s severed head on a serving tray at Thanksgiving.
“At first I was like, what a weird turkey. Then it clicked. Damn, that’s a head. But then I noticed the smell and I’m like, Gigi’s roast head actually smells kind of delicious.”
The Chanels file down the stairs and are confronted by the Dean, who can’t believe that a group of girls who were just served a human head for dinner are ready to shop till they drop. Cathy tries to put Chanel in a “time out” to keep the gang from leaving.
Is she able to out-bitch the bitchiest?
Not so much.
The Chanels head down to the mall.
Wes, Pete and Grace find Detective Chisholm at the police station. After attempting to call in the murder of Gigi without success, they drove to the precinct. After Chisholm essentially accuses Wes of being Gigi’s killer because he’s dating her, the trio learn that the cop has been fired. Due to spending most of the budget on paranormal ghost hunting equipment, the police department is virtually defunct. Several officers have been fired because of a lack of leads in the Red Devil case, and the department has brought in volunteers to patrol the streets.
At the mall, Chanel can’t decide between which dollar earrings to get #5, who is standing right next to her. There are no surprise gifts in Kappa Kappa Tau.
The three minions, including Hester, reveal that they bought Chanel at $13,000 purse made by Chanel.
Will their leader learn the true spirit of giving?
Sort of. She decides to buy the group matching pink Jeeps, but before they can hit the car dealership, the mall shuts down around them.
Now locked in, the girls flee in terror when the Red Devil pops up outside, wielding a crossbow.
After her minions flee through an open security gate, Chanel decides to confront the killer rather than turn tail. She firmly believes that the face beneath the mask is Cathy Munsch’s own.
It doesn’t quite go her way.
The Devil fires an arrow into Chanel’s shoulder and reloads after she falls. Just as all seems to be lost for our anti-heroine, whom should arrive but Denise Hemphill, the chief of police, flanked by two uniformed cops. Now Mama Denise has an actual gun, and it’s pointed at the Devil’s horned noggin’. The killer fires an arrow into one of the cops and flees.
Chanel holds a meeting at KKT to ask the girls to help her murder Dean Munsch, and thereby stop the Devil. Zayday is strongly opposed, but Grace shockingly comes down on Chanel’s side. She agrees that Cathy is the killer. She also agrees on the method: poisoning.
Chad Radwell calls to order a meeting of the Dickie Dollar Scholars in a room empty save for Pete. As Chad looks to empty chairs while calling on his fallen bros to read the last meeting’s minutes, he realizes that his entire fraternity has been murdered. After Pete asks why he was invited, Chad begins reading the Last Will And Testament of Boone.
One poster of Johnny Cash, one XBOX, one shoebox filled with bottles of lube, one HBO Go password, one Bejeweled buttplug: all of it bequeathed to Pete!
Chad accuses them of being secret gay lovers, but Pete explains that Boone was just a source of information for Pete’s article on the Greek system.
In a flashback, we learn that Pete tried to join this very golf obsessed fraternity a year ago. His lack of both golf experience and John Mayer albums prevents him from pledging.
In the present, Chad offers Pete the opportunity to join the completely nonexistent brotherhood. He flatly declines. It turns out that due to ancient Dickie tradition, the two men must now duel to the death; once Pete selects his weapon of choice.
After Pete also refuses to duel, he is left with a warning.
“You will get murdered, Pete Martinez. Murdered to death.”
Chanel and Grace have coffee with Cathy at her home. The two KKT girls want to start a Feminist Collective with the Dean and bring Cathy’s favorite refreshment, apple cider with a lethal twist, puffer fish venom extracted from Libby’s aquarium. As Munsch drinks the entire poison filled glass, Grace and Chanel watch and wait. Nothing! Is the Dean immortal?
Afterwards, Grace tells Pete about the plan. The glass held enough toxin to kill three adults.
While making fun of Chad Radwell and his offer, Pete expresses admiration for the Red Devil, who is cleaning up the filth in the Greek System. The couple kiss and lay back on the bed, as Pete tells Grace he loves her and is ready to have sex. She’s not so sure.
But she then offers to sleep with him after they kill Dean Munsch. Pete is against murdering anyone. He explains the monster Grace would become if she succeeds in icing Cathy.
At Kappa House, Chanel asks for minion updates on the health of Dean Munsch. Instead, she learns that Chad Radwell was admitted to a local hospital after slipping during nude yoga and falling into the perimeter of Lego figures that guard his bed. One of them, Lego Captain Jack Sparrow, became lodged in his rectum. Naturally.
Even as Chanel asks for new murder methods, Grace opts out of the plan and is kicked out of Kappa Kappa Tau. Meanwhile, Zayday has a change of heart and believes that killing under these dire circumstances is justifiable. Chanel hits on the perfect murderous idea as Grace packs her bags.
Wes welcomes Grace to his apartment. She’s worried about him because he was so recently served his girlfriend’s head for dinner.
Grace finds her father working with Pete to dig up dirt about Gigi.
It turns out the late Miss Caldwell wasn’t named Caldwell at all. Her actual name is Jess Meyer. Jess was admitted to a mental institution after the suicide of her sister Amy, who fled Kappa Kappa Tau’s upstairs bathroom with two babies only months before in 1995. Gigi raised her two “children” to be killers with a grudge against Kappa.
Wes counsels Grace on whether she should have sex with Pete. They reconnect after the recent turbulence between them over the past few episodes.
At a cryogenics spa, Chanel tempts Dean Munsch to use the cryo-sauna. Cathy steps into the freezing chamber while the Chanels and Zayday look on. The massive port-holed door closes and the chamber’s temperature plummets to 200 below zero. The girls wait 27 minutes and then finally get out the body bag and prepare to shove a frozen Deansicle into it. But this Scream Queen is quite far from her final curtain.
Munsch emerges from the sauna feeling refreshed!
Pete gets a phone call in his dorm room as he’s packing. The caller is clearly not welcome.
“It’s enough. The point has been made. Why do you want to continue taking this any further?”
After hanging up, Pete opens his closet and gazes upon the gleaming Red Devil suit within.
He looks torn and ashamed.
Chanel asks Zayday and the others how Cathy could’ve survived the deep freeze. Zay thinks that the Dean may be able to control her core temperature through Buddhist meditation. Libby thinks that Cathy can rapidly grow thick hair all over body by thinking about it because of a documentary she saw about a high school basketball star who could do the same thing. After Chanel points out that the documentary was actually the movie “Teen Wolf,” Hester suggests that the Dean may share the mystical qualities of the Mad Monk Rasputin, who survived poisoning and gunfire and beatings and castration. Also, Hester makes reference to “Dr. Giggles.” Yay!
After learning that drowning finally killed Rasputin, Chanel gives each of the sisters new smartphones and hatches a plan to lure Cathy to the university pool to drown her. She plans to use the phones to notify each minion to be ready.
Chanels 3, 5 and 6 go lingerie shopping, during which #5 asks the sales girl to switch the size labels for panties in a size zero, because she can’t walk out of the store being seen with the size she actually wears. As the three bicker with the store employee, their ignored phones are flashing the signal to meet at the pool.
Munsch finds Chanel Oberlin alone at the Wallace University pool carrying a bag filled with chains designed to drag the Dean to her watery grave. The encounter is simultaneously sinister and awkward. Chanel claims that the chains were for a feminist discussion of bondage.
Back at the KKT house, Chanel fumes that her cronies never showed up to kill Cathy. She begins writing a scathing missive to her minions as Grace heads to Pete’s. She’s in seduction mode, suggesting that they go away to a cabin for awhile in the woods. They make out, though Pete seems a little off. She wants her first time to be with a really great guy, but his next words shock her.
“I can’t, because I don’t want your first time to be with a murderer.”