Scream Queens Episode 3: “Handidates”
We open on the still sizzling body of Tyler, the wart covered patient. The Chanels discuss the murder, and Oberlin blames No. 5.
Sure, No. 5 was WITH her two friends the entire night, but so what?
Chanel No. 3 wants to bring Hester to the hospital and pump her for information about the new killer. Before the girls attempt to hide the body in the meat locker– having learned nothing from the constantly vanishing bodies in Kappa House– Munsch enters.
She wants to dispose of the body because the bad publicity could force her to close the hospital, which would ruin her secret plan to save herself. So it’s into the creepy swamp with Tyler. No. 5 says a few kind words over the body before he’s tossed into the boiling watery murk.
Back in the hospital, Chad’s panic stricken friend Randall has calmed down. Now he can experience startling stimuli and not wail like a banshee. He gets to experience about five minutes of being cured when the Green Meanie turns up with a scythe and cuts him down.
Munsch and the Chanels visit Hester at the asylum. They want answers. Instead of a room with a view, which Hester demanded in exchange for information about the new murders, Cathy brings her a VHS copy of the 1985 film “A Room With A View.” She’s not amused. Hester warns them that the body count is about to rise.
It’s her way, or brace for more carnage.
Chad Radwell texts Cathy at the asylum and says he knows who the killer is. Back at C.U.R.E, Radwell lays out his theory; Brock Holt’s evil hand is the killer!
Wait, what? How could…oh, never mind.
Radwell tells Munsch and Chanel about the serial killer who gave Brock his right hand. Holt denies these accusations.
“Sometimes my hand spasms and takes on the appearance of a life of its own, but I swear I would never kill anyone with it.”
During the squabble that follows, Holt’s hand attacks Chad. Hmmm…
Chanel breaks up with both men (though she wasn’t dating Radwell). And Munsch demands that Holt get a brand new hand that was not involved in a series of slayings.
The hospital welcomes a new patient named Sheila, a woman who experiences orgasms all day after performing a certain yoga pose. Munsch wants whatever disorder she’s got, which turns out to be Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder.
Dr. Cascade is on the case. But first he must mop up the morgue, because Chad Radwell amputated the hands of all the cadavers in it in preparation for operating on Dr. Holt. (Never mind that he’s not a doctor.)
Chanel No. 3 confides to Cascade that she’s never had an orgasm and wasn’t even aware that they existed until recently. She also describes her constant state of vaguely depressed emotionlessness, which echoes Cassidy’s condition of freezing skin. He’s frozen physically and she’s cold emotionally. In turn, he shares a secret with her; in junior high, he went to a party, got drunk and crashed out on a bed. His friends warned him not to pass out on his back or he’d choke to death on his vomit like Jimi Hendrix.
Sure enough, he did black out on his back and woke up dead and covered in vomit the next day. He believes he might be a Highlander.
He became a doctor to find out why he’s the walking dead. They kiss, and a very unconventional romance begins. Cassidy vows to make her feel alive again.
The Chanels and Zayday play Scrabble and discuss the murders, and the word game offers a clue as Ms. Williams crosses the word Nurse with the word Nasty.
Could Nurse Lynn Johnstone, the sole survivor of the Halloween Massacre, have some telling info?
Chad shows up nude in the locker room and hands Holt a file of “handidates” to be his new donor. He informs Brock that he will be performing the surgery. Yikes.
Zayday, Hempfield, the Chanels and Munsch meet Nurse Johnstone, who was in the hospital restroom the night of the 1986 massacre. He found a trail of slimy footsteps and butchered bodies. And, as he tells Zayday, he knows exactly who killed everyone. After Dr. Mike’s ill-fated girlfriend Nurse Thomas confided to him about the patient dumped in the swamp in 1985, Johnstone put two and two together.
In present day, to Lynn receives threatening phone calls from a distorted voice warning of deaths to come. He thinks the pregnant wife of the dead patient is doing all this.
Back at the hospital, Hempfield wisely points out that there’s no reason for the Green Meanie to be killing now, if it is indeed the wife of the dead patient. The doctor and nurse who committed the crime are already dead.
Why is the killer picking on the patients at C.U.R.E?
Cathy reasons that the murderer might be the baby born in 1985, which would make him 30-years-old. She calls it a HIM because the Green Meanie is 6-feet tall and broad shouldered. She muses on three suspicious 30-year-old men; Cascade, Radwell and Chamberlin, the candystriper.
Radwell is preparing to saw off a man’s hand with a bonesaw. He’s wearing snowboarding goggles to protect himself from blood spray. Munsch stops the bizarre farce, stating that Holt is innocent. Brock is too old, but Chad is not. Afterwards, Radwell and Holt have an intense standoff involving Chanel.
Dr. Cascade decides to replicate the yoga pose Sirsa Padasana that Sheila was in when her orgasms began, using the lovely Chanel No. 3 as his test subject. Cassidy adjusts No. 3’s pelvis and discovers the issue with Sheila. One of her nerves is being compressed, causing it to repeatedly cause muscle spasms that produce orgasms.
Chad and Chanel meet in a park to discuss their future. He asks her to sign a pre-nup in preparation for marriage. She’s elated! As they embrace, Chad notices Holt watching from a short distance away.
Cascade performs surgery on Sheila with No.3 by his side. Her ear muffs are wearing surgical gloves. The two make out as Sheila looks on. Then, in a bedroom, they nearly make love, but she is slightly turned off by his body temperature.
In order to prove his deadness, he puts a thermometer in his mouth. It reads 61 degrees.
Chad asks Brock to be his best man and tie his bow tie. Holt, who despises him, is not interested. As they chat, Brock’s hand moves towards Chad’s neck with ill intent. Instead, he ties the bow tie. As the doctor leaves, he turns and goes:
“Just so you know, when you break up with her in six months, I’m gonna be there to comfort Chanel by having a lot of sex with her.”
Chad smiles.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Chanel’s 29 carat ring, in the exclusive Whore Cut, is a monster. Oberlin asks No. 3 and Zayday to be her bridesmaids, and No. 5 to be her ring-bearer dressed like a dog. Oh, and the wedding is tomorrow.
Chamberlin and Zayday discharge Sheila. Not only was she cured, the Green Meanie didn’t show up to slaughter her. Everything is hunky dory, right?
Wrong!
In one of my favorite kills of the season, Sheila notices the Green Meanie a short distance away down a darkened hallway. The killer tosses a scythe in slow motion, which neatly decapitates poor Sheila. Her head spins around on the bloody stump of her neck and then lands on a teddy bear she got as a gift from the staff. Great effects in this scene!
Chamberlin is then slashed as well. The killer stands face-to-face with Zayday but leaves her unharmed and races off.
Hester is transferred to the hospital.
Denise demands that Hester reveal the killer’s identity before they kill again, and the former Red Devil laughs evilly.
“It’s too late.”
In the hospital chapel, everything is pink and flowery. Chanel enters looking beautiful in her white gown, but where’s the groom?
“Isn’t the groom supposed to be here?”
“Chad asked me to come first. He said I should get used to it.”
A few seconds pass and then blood from the ceiling spills onto Chanel’s dress. There’s a spreading red stain on the ceiling, which caves in as a body falls onto the altar.
