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Lock Grandma in her room! Send the kids to a Pixar film! Draw the shades! Shut off the lights! We are gonna get raw! We have it all: Violence, Sex, Nudity, Genitalia. All in living color, except for one that is only in black and white.

Yes, there are incredibly few short films, or features for that matter, that begin with the letter “X”. So what else is there to do but hit the Taboo button.

So, for your consideration, the Horror of Smut!

You can tell I’m from another time. There are no X-rated films anymore. It is now NC-17.

Torture Porn (2008)

So, you’re a serial killer who tortures his victims. But it’s tough getting victims. What if there was a service you could call that would provide you with your needs?! What if that victim healed almost immediately after you used your tools on them? Patrick Rea is once again brilliant in twisting a genre and making the terrifying hilarious. Keep your eye on the torture devices that this psycho uses. Did you see the Barry Manilow album?

M is for Manhood (2013)

An entry for “The ABC’s of Death 2” directed by Matt Hanchey. Set in the Old West, there is this mortician who has a “fondness” for his charges. Of course, some of them might have other ideas. It didn’t get into the movie, though.

Mineral (2014)

Directed by Michael J. Marino. Birth is a wonderful thing. That is, unless you are a guy. And the birth is more like a kidney stone. A kidney stone that has a mind. And is really lonely for its original home. This one is pretty gross.

Radioactive Crotch Man in Pussy in Peril (1997)

It’s a Nick Gibbons Triple Feature! Your favorite superhero with his amazing crotch powers! These are pretty cheesy, but a lot of fun.

Radioactive Crotch Man in Groin Pains (1998)

Radioactive Crotch Man in King for a Day (2010)

Attack of the Mutant Dick from Outer Space (2007)

From Spain, Dani Moreno brings a spoof of the 1950’s Horror/Sci Fi/3D movies. Scientist go into space to try to help children born hairy. Gamma rays turn one scientist into a mutant “male member.” After killing the other scientists on the spaceship, he returns to Earth to wreak havoc. Very Silly. Fun.

That’s where I’m going to stop. Believe me, there are more, but some of them looked way beyond what I wanted to deal with.

I’d like to thank YouTube, Vimeo, IMDb and the inventor of the Emoji, all of whom had a hand, or some other body part, in the writing of this article.