“Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse” (2015). Directed by Christopher Landon. Starring Tye Sheridan, Logan Miller and Joey Morgan. Boy Scouts find themselves in the middle of a zombie outbreak. Bad jokes ensue. Also, zombie boobs.

A janitor is working in the Biotine research facility lab,  singing and dancing to “Black Widow” by Rita Ora and Iggy Azalea. He accidentally goes into a containment room, and in spite of being told not to touch anything, he touched a sick person, then messed up the medical equipment they are attached to. Panicking, he does CPR on the patient, and is attacked and thrown about like a ragdoll and killed and turned into a zombie. Yay! Zombie outbreak time!

Its Scout Recruitment Week!

Meet the Scouts:

• Augie, the fatty aka comic relief
• Ben, the Goodie Two-shows
• Carter, the swearing bad boy, also horn-dog that wants to leave the scout troop.

So yeah, after the scout meeting Ben is driving Carter and Augie home  after the troop meeting and hits a deer. Carter takes a selfie with it, because reasons.

Carter’s sister, Kendall,  and her friends are passing by, and they ask for her help.  Kendall and her girls pick on them because they are wearing their scout uniforms, and help out with the deer and stuff.

Carter flirts Chloe one of his sister’s friends. Ben tells Kendall he’s not happy at the scouts and she tells him it’s great he’s still in the troop.

The deer suddenly disappears, because reasons.

Ben goes to find it, and Carter jumps out at him, because jump scares.

They get invited to the secret senior party and ditch their friend Augie, leaving him behind in the tent while they go there.

Scout Troop Leader Roger is walking in the woods and finds the ID of the scientist that was attacked at the beginning of the movie. He is then attacked by a zombie deer, and kills it with his pocket knife, thanks to his superior scout hunting skills patch. Just when it looks like he’s going to survive, he’s attacked by the zombie scientist. Boo.

Carter and Ben go to a liquor store to buy beer. Carter gives the money to a homeless drunk.

They find the scouts leaders knife in the woods but think nothing of it. Hmmmm…

Augie discovers they are gone and finds them at the car and is disappointed. He confronts them about ditching him and they tell him that they are leaving the scouts. So sad.

Ben and Carter ditch Augie and go to a liquor store, to get booze for the party, but there’s no one there. The strip club next door is empty as well, much to Carter’s dismay.

Ben sits in one of the tables and a stripper appears that seems to be infected but he doesn’t notice it.

Carter is perving on the undead stripper that shows up, and she hangs upside down from a pole and her neck opens and blood squirts on him. Heh.

Then the zombie bouncers show up, and chase the boys around the strip club. They try to hide and Carter is attacked by a zombie stripper, and kills her with a broken bottle. Carter is covered in blood, and freaks out.

Denise comes to the rescue as Ben is attacked by a zombie bouncer. She saves the boys and then takes charge and gets Carter to calm down.

Augie runs to the Scout Leader’s house to tell him that his friends ditched him. He is attacked by the scout leader (duh) and has to kill him with a makeshift flame thrower. (I’m pretty sure that there is a scout badge for that)

The city is overrun with zombies, because that’s what zombies do, and the scouts and their dates are forced to hide in a prison cell in the police station.

Augie makes a distraction by playing a horrible Soulja Boy song in Ben’s car at full volume, and then runs to rescue his friends…and then a whole bunch of zombie movie clichés happen, including but not limited to:

• Talking to the undead person as though they are still alive
• Tripping while being chased by zombies
• Zombie cop with a gun
• Evil Military threatening to bomb the city to stop the outbreak.
• Zombie dick prank? (OK, this is a new one, but it definitely belongs on the cliche list)
• Zombie cat attack
• Zombies swarming a house
• Hardware store run for improvise weapons
• “I love being a boy scout, let’s go kick ass!”

BEWBS. Heh, heh he he he he heh.

If you like dick jokes and perv jokes, a la “American Pie” with your zombies, you’ll like this movie. However, if you prefer more higher brow type humor, watch something else, because you’re not going to find anything mature in this sub-par zombie flick.