Welcome to Chanel-o-Ween! It’s that special time of the year when tremendously charitable Chanel Oberlin rains cheap horror related gifts down on her frumpy Instagram followers. Or “My precious donkeys,” as she calls them. Severed rubber heads and limbs, boxes filled simply with fake blood are mailed out to adoring fans.
Truly horrifying.
Dean Cathy Munsch is interviewed by a detective in the wake of the chainsaw attack on Gigi. He knows Cathy and doesn’t even bother entertaining the notion that she could be responsible for murder, which infuriates Wes and Gigi. Cathy still asks Wes to a faculty costume party, though he just accused her of being a serial killer.
Denise Hemphill enters and announces that a frat boy lost his arms to the Red Devil earlier in the night. She continues to suspect Zayday and says so. Denise vows to avenge Shondelle by nabbing her killer on Halloween night.
Grace and Pete locate the mysterious Kappa sister Mandy Greenwood who dropped out two credits shy of graduating back in 1995. She is living in a trailer surrounded by woods. Dressed as Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey from the romantic comedy “How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days,” they pretend to be Trick or Treaters. Greenwood sees right through them, despite Pete’s smashing McConaughey impersonation. She’s willing to tell them everything, after serving them an armadillo she found and baked for hours.
She explains that in 1995, Cathy had the girls at the party dispose of the dead girl in the tub by burying her in a secret location. They were blindfolded and driven deep into the woods. The future dean was the Student Affairs director at the time and had no intention of losing her career over this tragedy.
She also reveals the gender of the Kappa baby. It was a girl.
A frat brother offers Zay his support for her campaign to wrest control of KKT from the Chanels. He suggests throwing a charity fundraiser to show that Zayday has real substance. Kappa House carves jack o’ lanterns to be displayed on Chanel’s Instagram as Zay announces her campaign to her sorority sisters. Chanel is horrified.
After sharpening gigantic knives in her room at 3 am, Chanel decides to throw her own fundraiser in a haunted pumpkin patch to raise money for Black Hairy Tongue disease research.
In her isolated trailer after dark, Miss Greenwood meets the Red Devil himself.
Chad wanders around a fog shrouded cemetery after dark looking for an attractive gravestone to masturbate on. He runs into Hester, who wants everything Chanel has, including him. She plans to become Zayday’s vice president and then kill her, assuming full control of the sorority.
Wes shows his class “Children Of The Corn” and talks about the terrifying inability to escape our inner child in the form of pain and regrets of our youth coming back to haunt us.
After class Grace once again confronts Wes with the mysteries of her past. She doesn’t remember her mother, who allegedly died in a fire when she was two. She begins to believe she is the Kappa baby.
Pete summons Grace via text to a decrepit old house on 53 Shady Lane. He has found a lead to the baby, but before they can get very far, Zayday jumps out and claims this site as her haunted house for the fundraiser. Meanwhile, Denise shows up and warns the kids about the Hag of Shady Lane, who began crying in the night over her dead children in 1995. The group finds an upstairs room filled with broken children’s toys collected from all over the neighborhood.
After Denise attacks Zayday’s alibi and accuses her of being the killer, Zay points out that Denise also pledged Kappa in 1988 but was rejected by the racist white sorority
Hester and The Chanels pass out Pumpkin Patch fliers and eat lunch consisting of cotton balls. Hester points out the horror in starving themselves for appearance sake, and Chanel O. agrees. The girls get pizza instead.
This scene has already been analyzed and quoted online. It’s brilliantly written.
They are approached by a frat moron who asks them to be a part of his Halloween costume, Me Having Awesome Sex With You. He picked the wrong girls.
“The culture that says it’s okay for a man to objectify a woman for her appearance is the same culture that pressures girls as young as 10 to have eating disorders.”
“So you’re basically saying I’m responsible for making you look hot? You’re welcome.”
“There is a killer on this campus murdering women. When you treat us like meat, you’re no better than he is.”
“You gonna tell us to smile now? Call us sweetheart?”
“Well, yeah. It’s my signature move.”
“Yeah? Well, here’s mine.”
Wham! Kick to the nards!
The cafeteria explodes with laughter and applause.
Chad and Hester meet at the house on Shady Lane for sex two hours before Zayday’s haunted house is set to begin. They discover the corpse of Ms Bean in the bedroom,with her name carved into the headboard.
And then poor dead Shondelle turns up. Coney is crucified in the basement, along with Mandy Greenwood and Chanel # 2. Chad and Hester flee in terror to a local coffee shop, where they warn students about the real dead bodies at 53 Shady Lane. Everyone can’t wait to check it out.
Grace, Zay, Pete and others discover the bodies at the haunted house.
Zay calls the cops, who think she’s pulling their leg. Before she can convince them otherwise, she is whisked away by the Red Devil.
The Dean is once again trying to cover up University involvement in the murders. She points out that Mandy and Shondelle were not even students. Wes and Gigi oppose her, as Grace asks the Chanels to help search for Zayday. They flatly refuse in favor of planning their fundraiser.
Grace reveals that she has been studying up via police reports on the Hag of Shady Lane. Two weeks before the wailing began from the old house, two thefts in the area were reported. A pack of diapers from a convenience store and a crate of milk from a truck. These happened one month after the birth of the Kappa baby. Hmmmm…
In flashback, the camera glides through the dirty, decaying house filled with mournful wailing. A hooded woman sits in a rocking chair in the room of broken dolls.
