OK all you Resident Evil whores, hold onto your butts (silicon-filled or otherwise), shit is about to go down!

Yeah, that’s right, I’m calling y’all out because we all know who the biggest, baddest mofo in the RE franchise truly is. Forget your T-virus infected whales, your one-trick pony Albert “Total Global Saturation” Wesker, and the entire Las Plagas Familia. The one you really need to fear is William Birkin, the Big G!

William Birkin was the best monster in the Resident Evil series. Hands down. Or is that teeth down? Whatever. The G-virus is bad ass. Las Plagas and that other stuff is just plain old wussy compared to it.

Let’s look at his stats:

William Birkin

Yeah, he’s having a really bad hair day.

The main antagonist of “Resident Evil 2”

One of the two secondary antagonists of “Resident Evil Zero”

Has appeared in five RE games:

1. Resident Evil 2
2. Resident Evil Zero
3. Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles
4. Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles
5. Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City

Married to Annette “What’s-her-face” Birkin and father of Sherry “Shake dat Ass” Birkin.

But, I’m just a little girl! You want me to shake my ass? Oh… OK.

Brilliant virologist groomed by the Umbrella Corporation at the extremely young age and was promoted to senior scientist of the Arklay Research Lab at the tender age of 16. Yeah, he was a super genius and already finished medical school. (What’s up with the Japanese and giving young teenagers highly improbable jobs anyways?)

Before the idiotic leech plot of “Resident Evil Zero” came into play, not much was known about the origin of the T-Virus or the G-Virus, other than it caused horrible mutations in plants and animals and it extended life beyond its normal capacities to create a sort of un-life, or undeath. OK fine! Zombies! Happy now?

The G-virus in particular was spread with the use of a parasite of some sort or it created a parasite-like tumor once injected into human hosts. I’m pretty sure it’s the latter, as the virus takes over the body and starts re-writing all of its genetic material.

The T-Virus was creepy, and created the Tyrant and a megalomaniacal Wesker who loved to talk about his super ULTIMATE weapon, at whom Chris Redfield laughed and mocked him, hurting his feelings, as he was just trying to impress him with his awesome science skillz. Ever since Wesker has been doing bigger and badder things to get Chris’s approval and love. But that’s a slash fiction story for another day…

“You love him, don’t you? Why don’t you just call him and tell him? We could stop all of this right now.” “Shut up Piers!”

Back to the Big G yo.

Time to get some nerd on.
The G-Virus is a strain of the Progenitor Virus that was genetically manipulated in an attempt to create immortality (the T-Virus is a strain of the Progenitor Virus as well) but instead resulted in heavily mutated animals, plants and people.

Why is it so badass? Lemme ‘splain it to you.

Unlike the T-Virus, the G-Virus is highly reactive. Every time it’s host is injured or suffers stress, it mutates to protect the host from future harm. It can also be spread to another host by intentionally “impregnating” victims with an embryo, much like the face-hugger in “Alien”.

G has “fierce regenerative abilities” that essentially makes its host immortal. Which leaves me to wonder…. in the end of RE2, G-Birkin was supposedly blown up with the train. But, all other efforts to destroy him with fire or explosives on any kind just made him stronger. So, did he really die in that train tunnel that led out of  Umbrella’s secret underground labs?

I kind of have a hunch that he didn’t. His death isn’t shown on-screen, all we see in the end cut-scene is an exploding train. So if he did survive the train explosion, would he have died in that nuclear bomb blast that destroyed Raccoon City? Or is G so perfect that it mutated him further and he’s some sort of hideous radioactive blob lurking underneath the rubble of the city? I’d love to see RE return to the ruins of Raccoon City to deal with the fallout of the blast. But that’ll probably never happen. (Original idea, donut steal! Imma totes gonna write that fan-fic yo!)

According to the ridiculous plot of RE Zero, the G-Virus was created when the Progenitor Virus was injected into a human host that was also infected with an NE-alpha type parasite, whatever the f#&@ that is. Oh, sorry, just looked it up. It’s a bio-engineered organism created by the European branch of Umbrella, called the Nemesis alpha (yes, as in THAT Nemesis from RE3, “S.T.A.R.S.!”) that is used to control Bio Organic Weapon aka B.O.W.s aka Bow-bows. The Bow-bows were the main research focus of Umbrella Corporation (UC), and were created intentionally to become killing machines so that the UC could sell them to the highest bidder across the globe! Mwahahahaaa!

So yeah, Birkin tweaked the hell out of the genetic sequencing code of the Pro-gen V and “perfected” it so that it essentially made its hosts immortal. Pretty cool huh?

Unfortunately, things went horribly wrong for Birkin, mainly because he decided to sell the virus to the U.S. government after his superiors pissed him off. The CEO learned of this and sent the Umbrella Secret Service (*ahem* mercenaries) Alpha team (it’s always Alpha team, isn’t it?) to retrieve the virus before Birkin could hand it over to the gubment. Upon learning of their arrival, Birkin smashed all the T-virus and G-virus samples in their super secret underground railroad lab of death, before he was shot by HUNK (he’s so dreamy!) the head of Alpha team. Birkin was going to die, so he grabbed the last syringe full of G-virus and injected it into himself. He knew it would turn him into a monster, but he didn’t care. He wanted his revenge. And boy howdy, does he get it!

G-Birkin, G-Virus: Number one in the hood G!

According to the “Resident Evil Archives: Umbrella’s Virus Uncovered” (2006) the name G came from the nickname “Gorgoda” that the visual designers gave to the third form of the virus during production because it took on a reptilian form. (It’s on page 213 for you RE nerds that really need to know where it’s from.)

Unlike all the other monsters in RE2, G is the only monster that transforms during game play. It’s the only monster in all of the RE franchise to mutate into truly bizarre and utterly frightening visages. No, that stupid boss dude from RE 6 doesn’t count. Fighting him was a pain in the ass. Besides, he turned into a giant freaking fly for his final form. Lame!

G-virus can only be passed though injections. Primary infections cause the host to desire to procreate and pass on the infection to others by implanting an embryo through the mouth of the victim with a tentacle. In Birkin’s case, this reproductive tentacle organ was on his hand. Kind of gives “Deep Throat” an entire different meaning, doesn’t it?

The tentacle is blurred out in a mosaic. It was censored. Probably because it was too phallic in appearance for them to get away with having it in the game.

If the host isn’t genetically suitable for assimilation by the G-virus embryo parasite thingy, it turns into a sad abomination called Adult G that spits out parasites and tries to eat you. It dies rather easily in the game, because it can’t mutate to protect itself and grow stronger after each confrontation.

That’s going to leave a mark.

Adult G form.

If the target host has a similar blood type or genetics (such as family members) G will relentlessly pursue them and implant an embryo into them. That’s right, Sherry was implanted with a G-parasite embryo by her monster daddy. Incest tentacle porn. Yikes! You won’t see that in any of the other RE titles. No siree. Nope. Not at all.

See that super pixellated mosaic next to Sherry on that box? That’s part of G-Birkin’s phallic hand tentacle that was shoved down her throat to implant a G-embryo. Yay! Sharing is caring!

The ability to mutate and adapt to things that cause bodily harm is what makes G so frightening. It underwent five different transformations in RE2, and probably would’ve continued to grow and become even more resilient if the city hadn’t been evaporated by a nuclear blast. (Then again, they were underground in a train tunnel, so, it’s entirely possible that G is still out there somewhere, plotting it’s revenge. Hey, I can dream, can’t I?)

Stage 1

The first stage has asymmetrical mutations (they occur only on one side of the body), but you can still see vestiges of human physiology in the host. Birkin’s first mutation is a powerful right arm, topped with a giant red eye, that is strong enough to break iron.  His personality traits, thoughts and feelings have been wiped out by a beast-like rage that causes the host to be extremely violent.

You ate all my Pop-Tarts! I’ll kill you!

Stage 2

At stage two the G-virus has spread to all of Birkin’s limbs, causing more asymmetrical mutations. His face ends up down on his chest, and a new bony head (and brain) has grown in its place. New bone and skin have formed, and the hand of the right arm is now ends in bone-white huge claws.

The little William face on his chest is saying in a small voice, “Help, meeeee!”

Stage 3

G-Birkin Stage 3 got a makeover for “Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles”. Doesn’t he look absolutely fabulous?

More mutations! With stage three there’s a new eye on the left thigh, two new arms and larger, wing-like arms moved to its back. His heart and other organs are now changing, but this is not visible, unless you have X-ray vision like Superman.

The head has taken a creepy demonic grin with razor-sharp teeth and its shape resembles that of a lizard or Digimon. (Ironically enough, the “Digimon” toy line was developed and sold starting in 1997, right around the time that they were putting the finishing touches on “Resident Evil 2”. “Digimon” were inspired by the depressing “Tamagotchi” legacy. Seriously, kids were committing suicide in Japan when their digital “Tamagotchi” pet died. Very depressing stuff.)

Fun Fact: Originally, this form started with the silhouette of a fallen angel in mind, with the first set of arms moving to the back of the creature and hanging down to look like wings.

Pikachu! I choose you!

Hey baby, want some sugar?

Stage 4

In stage four, the last vestiges of Birkin’s humanity have been obliterated during this dramatic transformation into a Barista… I mean a four-legged quadruped with a mouth that extends down to the bottom of the chest cavity that’s lined multiple pointy toothy protrusions the size of elephant tusks. It says in “Resident Evil Archives” that “it has evolved so far as to be a prime energy source for zombies and Lickers.”

I don’t quite remember that part, so most likely that is a mistranslation into English from Japanese. Earlier in the book (page 161) it states that this form requires constant energy to remain active, which makes it eat more, and the more it eats, the more it mutates. Therefore, it is safe to assume that it starts eating lickers and zombies at this stage.

Here’s Billy!

What other RE monster can eat lickers and zombies and grow stronger from eating them? What’s that?  I can’t hear you! Yeah. That’s what I thought. There aren’t any. BAM!

Stage 5

Mutations for EVERYONE! The “final” form of G or stage five of Birkin’s mutation cycle. The original sketches had G-Birkin turning into a giant blob-like entity covered with several large red bloodshot eyes. It kind of looked like a shoggoth, but it was less mobile.

The mouth is now surrounded by a freaking spiral of gigantic teeth that all point towards the pie hole of the creature. This enormous monstrosity is so big, it fills up an entire train tunnel and then some. It looks like a living lump of flesh and teeth, with a malleable body that can squeeze through narrow passages. Multiple tentacles whip out and attack at random, and some times even throw stuff at its prey. It also lunges forward to bite a target. Can you imagine being bitten by something like that? Damn dude!

Come to daddy.

Birkin’s arms have turned into tentacles, and his body is soft and pulsating like a giant diseased mollusk. The remains of a not-yet-fully digested creatures can be seen on sticking out of its body in places. While the high endurance and durability remains the same as stage four, this stage is so massive that it’s extremely difficult to inflict critical damage to it, even with heavy weaponry, such as the trusty grenade launcher.

G’s Main Traits are:

Mutation, Mutation, Mutation!

After a threat to its life, G will heal its wounds and continue to mutate, becoming progressively larger, stronger, deadlier –not to mention scarier looking in the process. It’s unclear if the fifth form is the final form, or if it could’ve gone on to continue to mutate up to the eighth form or more. There are no factors that indicate that it ever would’ve stopped mutating and evolving. Essentially, the monsters that the G-virus creates are immortal, and only significant amounts of physical damage like say, being at the epicenter of a nuclear blast, could destroy it.

But, if any portion of the creature survived, who’s to say that it wouldn’t have mutated, consumed food and grown back to its original size and then some? The possibilities of a monster that is impossible to eradicate have yet to truly be tackled by Resident Evil writers. I say, you guys better get your act together and use the best monster in the franchise in the next game you put out, you losers!

Propagation via Implantation of Embryos

Yeah, I totally knocked up my daughter by shoving a tentacle down her throat. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Booyah!

Third Eye of Doom

It’s not vestigial, it actually works and the monster can see out of it like a normal eye.

Eats T-Virus infected creatures to gain energy and strength.

Imma eat you up! Om nom nom!

In the end, he was bigger than a train! A train! Can you imagine trying to fight something that big?

I don’t care what you guys say, G-Birkin is a total bad ass in my book.