Prepare to enter a whole new universe of fabulous knock-offs, where the dreams of teenagers are haunted by Feddy (whom scared the letter R out of his own name), and the city streets of Oldish Detroit are protected by the heroic police cyborg Robert Cop. Why shell out $400 … Read More
“Victor Frankenstein” (2015). Directed by Paul McGuigan. Starring Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliff) and Professor Charles Xavier (James McAvoy). Eponymous Viktor Von Frankenstein befriends anatomy expert and circus freak Igor the Hunchback and crazy hijinx in posthumous revivications occur. They create a monkey monster and some creature that hates fire and is 8-feet … Read More
Dressed in white fluffiness, Chanel Oberlin enthuses about her favorite holiday, Black Friday. We see a packed and bustling shopping mall. Since all of Chanel’s haute couture is hand-delivered by the designers themselves, Black Friday is about buying cheap and forgettable gifts for friends. The cheapness of the gift … Read More
We open on Chanel’s insanely huge bedroom, where Chad Radwell is describing his recent stress over the pregnancy of Hester to Chanel #6. She clears things up: 1. Hester was never pregnant 2. Chanel killed her anyway. Chad becomes steadily excited, especially when he learns that Hester’s body is in … Read More
Boone is gulping down an orange slushy while on the phone again on Wallace University campus. His massive unruly wig and fake beard should keep him from being recognized, right? Frat guys approach him and are thrilled to meet the villain of Gladiator, Joaquin Phoenix. Boone tells his devilish partner … Read More
“The Hallow” (2015) Directed by Corin Hardy. Starring Bojana Novakovic and Joseph Mawle. A forester and his family move to a remote countryside house in Ireland. Soon he discovers that the locals are hostile. But the mean farmer that lives next door is the least of his worries, as the forest he … Read More
We open on Grace and Cathy meeting to discuss the Kappa baby after the Dean’s promise to trade information for the dirt on poor Feather McCarthy. Cathy claims that being high on Klonipin caused her to say all sorts of wacky things she didn’t mean, and now that Feather is … Read More
Morda Pell knelt in the growing pool of blood, steeling her body to experience the next vision. The still warm corpses of the Hallman family were seated at the dining room table nearby, facedown in their turkey and peas, throats gouged. She curled her long fingers into trembling fists until … Read More
We pick up at the open casket funeral of Sonya aka Chanel #2, whose dying wish was to be cremated and shot into space. Each surviving Chanel and the reverse brilliant Chad Radwell say their goodbyes to their former friend, with varying degrees of warmth. And with Chanel presiding … Read More
“Kristy” (2014). Directed by Oliver Blackburn. Starring Haley Bennett, Ashley Greene, Lucas Till. College chick Justine works too hard and stays on campus during Thanksgiving break, only to run into a bunch of psychos that mark her for a sacrificial death. Will she survive? Or will she become another Kristy? … Read More
